The Squirrel-Tamer: An Introduction

See what happens when you let them stay wild?

You think you know what a squirrel-tamer is, but you have no idea. Well, at least not this squirrel-tamer.

How am I different? For starters, squirrels respect me. I mean, when I lock eyes with a squirrel, he can’t help but be taken in. I mesmerize him. I hypnotize him. And then, of course, I sanitize him.

What else . . . Oh, yeah, I also train squirrels. What for? Well, it’s really up to the customer. For example, my neighbor had four menacing prairie dogs who kept eating his rutabagas, so I captured and trained 30 Eastern gray squirrels to serve as a sort of anti-terror unit. Did it work? Like a charm.

So that’s what this blog is about. Here you’ll get a glimpse of my life’s work — and maybe a teensy, weensy peak into the inner workings of my mind.