Letter to the Squirrel-Editor

Today’s Letter to the Squirrel-Editor comes from Janice in Alexandria, Virginia. Janice writes:

There are these three Eastern gray squirrels living in my attic. They’re tearing apart everything, including my Christmas ornaments. I don’t want to kill them, but I wouldn’t mind some tips on how to tame them. Any advice?

Well, Eastern gray squirrels are easily tamable. In fact, they’re big suckers for corn. Give them corn, and they’ll do anything short of a lap dance. Once you start to gain their trust, you have to trick them into thinking you’re the boss. So it doesn’t hurt to cage them immediately. Tough love usually does it for me.